Spiritual Slide Shows

Today being Friday, I’m declaring this to be a teeny tiny milestone: I’m through with the first week of radiation. I get weekends off. Somehow I believe it’s more for the radiation oncology staff so they get to have a weekend, but I’m sure there’s a medical benefit buried in there somewhere for patients.

I’d like to describe my experience thus far with radiation therapy uneventful. I should reiterate here just in case people are wondering…I don’t have cancer. I had a generally benign brain tumor resected that has potential for regrowth so they are radiating the tumor bed to prevent possible remaining tumor cells from dividing and causing a resurgence of growth. That’s all. I’ll repeat in case there’s confusion: I DON’T HAVE CANCER. (At least not now). If you’ve been following the blog, my neuro-oncologist said I’m not a candidate for chemotherapy. I’ve been telling several people, including friends and family members that I almost feel guilty about "averting" chemotherapy in light of the revelations I’ve had with another friend with whom i had lunch a week ago. She’s been receiving chemo for a different type of disease. During lunch she seemed happy in general but I could tell it was taking its toll on her emotionally. Having already lost all her hair and imposing diet restrictions on fresh foods made me reflect on how difficult life can be for some people. My friend and I share at least one thing in common. For the time being we both had to stop working and move home with our parents during our ordeals. But we both reflected on how wonderful it is to have family so close and that there are many people in the world who don’t have that blessing to be able to come home and recuperate. There are many cancer patients who have to go it alone, and many bravely do in their own right. In my view they aren’t really alone even though they may feel such.

On that note, let me reflect on my own parents for a bit…I’m the direct product physically and spiritually of them in so many ways. Being the son of an engineer father, and an educator mother has literally turned me into an educating engineer. (For work I help engineer software that helps people learn and in turn I get to learn from the people or ‘clientele’ of the college I work for of their expertise and educational backgrounds as they describe what and how they want to teach using technologies I recommend or build for them). What I’m saying is without the influence of my parents I would NOT be who I am today and for that I’m grateful. For those who are reading who feel that they have or had less than ideal parents, I can’t offer much other than the view quoted here:

On Children
 Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

So with today being Friday I’m glad the first week of radiation went off without a hitch. The staff at St. Joseph’s radiation oncology treatment center has been very cheerful and I already feel like a regular. One week down, and 5 more to go. I try to imagine all the other patients they see each day for whatever reason and how this is something they try and make a highlight of the patients’ lives–that they are doing something that is hopefully going to make them better. Thats the point of it all, anyway, right?

I’ve been blessed with many people who have been considerate towards my situation. I truly wish to repay the friendship in an appropriate way and use the example of kindness and become a better friend myself.

In my humble opinion, exercise is a weapon against depression and discouragement. Now if you can combine exercise with nature, you have two therapies in one: fresh air, and blood flow to your thinking organ. This can produce endorphins that help you out of thinking patterns that can end up being rather selfish if you don’t keep them in check.

Last week I had the opportunity for a brief hike in the Phoenix South Mountain park. The friend that suggested it in the first place was one of the surprise visitors in the hospital when I was in the ICU. Back then I wasn’t coherent enough to know when I thought I would be ready and only as of late had my ability to take up the offer for the hike magically "reappear." So we went and I took a photo to prove it:

I had a long afternoon at the doctor’s office yesterday. This time it’s the radiologist who is going to be responsible for my radiation treatments. This particular episode of my treatment is not one I’ve been looking forward to, necessarily, for obvious reasons. I’ll repeat them here:

• Radiation, while very effective for treating people in my condition, has side effects such as fatigue and more notably for me personally: hair loss. I’ve been blessed (thus far) without the side of my family’s gene pool for male pattern baldness occurring earlier in my young adult life. While I’m not particularly vain about my head of hair, I never once considered it would take disease treatment to make me lose it (or parts of it). So I’m going to have to learn to live somewhat without hair. I’ve yet to decide what to do: go entirely bald or just wait and see what the "fallout" area looks like once the side effect of hair loss becomes a factor and deal with it then.

Also on a side note, I had been anticipating participating in my church’s annual Easter Pageant. It’s the largest outdoor easter pageant in the world according to the website: http://www.easterpageant.org/. At any rate, the fatigue factor, rehearsals and performances, and the timing of my daily treatments (which are to be as consecutive as possible) may limit my ability to play my small part. I sure hope not! I’ll keep everyone updated.

What is sort of cool about the consutation appointment yesterday is they formed the head-mask they use for reference on where to aim the energy beams. It’s also to keep my head stationary while I’m strapped to the equipment that delivers the treatment. Word has it that I get to keep this once my rounds of therapy are over. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it yet…anyway here’s a picture of it:

In an unrelated post from the recovery of surgery, I’m reminiscing a bit: When my siblings and I were growing up, we used to spend our summer vacations on loooonnnnggg road trips to visit grandparents. To entertain us in the back of the family station wagon, we had a big cloth bag of travel toys. Each new trip usually yielded an addition or two to the bag. Sometimes the "toy" was a children’s storybook cassette tape combo. One trip we got "The Empire Strikes Back." I’ve been looking for this tape for a long time and last week my brother found it hiding in a place at my folk’s house that I never thought to look. 

So I couldn’t resist digitizing it and posting it online for all to listen to/download at their leisure:

 

 The Empire Strikes Back Children's StoryBook Tape: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download